He's gone and I cant stop thinking

My youngest brother is gone. My mom and I drove him over to my grandparents house and dropped him off for the week. He had school problems at his old school so now he goes to a school over by my grandparents. It always hurts to drive away knowing I'll be left in a house with my other brother for a whole week without even a glimpse of my youngest brother. The one good thing that comes out of him being gone is that I can sleep in to his room. His room is the only place I can sleep, the only place where the flashbacks and nightmares can't reach me. I have one more night to put up with the flashbacks and terror, tomorrow I'll be in my sanctuary, i just wish it was tonight. A lot of thoughts are running through my head,the assignment I still have to do for school on Tuesday, seeing my other brother with his shirt off and almost puking because of it, my friend who I miss and yet know she'll probably be lost forever, my light who has problems of his own and hoping I wont get hurt because of them, and flashbacks. Sometimes I don't know if I'm strong enough to get through this and sometimes I want to cry, but I was raised to be strong, stronger then most, and I was raised not to cry and not to feel sorry for myself. Lately I have been realizing that how I was raised was not exactly right, sometimes crying shows you're strong enough to do so, and sometimes you need to allow your self to feel sad for the things that has happen. No matter how much I wish not to be, I'm only human and I cant change that.